not the one you dream about.

my absence was not intentional. it was instead due to frustration and excitement. frustration over a job that was not for me. and excitement that this journey of life has brought me to a point i'm thrilled to be a part of. 

the journey i've been on is not the one they tell you about. not the one you dream about when you're little (or even when you're a 'grown up'). but it is MY journey. and every step of the way has been a moment in which i learned something... even if that 'something' was hard to immediately acknowledge. 

growing up i had the same dreams so many little girls shared. i was going to go to high school and then on to college. fall in love. graduate together. find a job i loved while i shared a life with someone i loved. have children and dote on them to an appropriate degree while balancing two extended families that wanted nothing more than to love us all.

(yes, i am laughing out loud at myself right now). 

that was the dream. that's what i honestly thought would happen... how i thought my life would look. 

reality is far from what we dream of when we are little girls. and that's been one of the most difficult things to learn.

so in the next few days (or let's be honest, probably weeks)... i want to share with you pieces of my journey and a few of the lessons i've learned as the journey has happened.

i want you to know that the dream may not come true like you thought it would and that you might not live 'happily ever after,' but you will make it. and it will be awesome.

and so we begin at the point where most start honestly thinking about 'the future.'

high school was socially hard (like really hard). i struggled to make it through amidst the several-thousand students. struggled to find 'my place.' struggled to do much of anything besides smile to hide the pain i felt. and then i made a big decision towards the end of high school... to go to a small college. to forego even applying to the school i had loved since birth, the school that everyone in my family still joined forces to cheer for on football saturday's.

although i didn't get it immediately, the lessons learned during this time are ones i still remind myself of daily: keep going. it will get better... eventually. it's not about the social circle you're in, but rather the person you decide you want to be. and it's about smiling. even when it hurts.

today... smile. say hello to the person you walk by every day and never truly notice. it will make a difference in both of your lives. (i promise).